the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
