i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
