I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
