Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
