I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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