Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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