she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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