Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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