I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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