why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
