im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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