i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
