I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
