Need sex. Gaining weight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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