i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
