I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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