I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
