i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
