just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
