I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
