so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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