Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
