Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
