great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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