When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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