So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
