I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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