Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
