Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
