Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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