I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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