Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
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I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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