My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Couch. On fire.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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