im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
