so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
