I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
