he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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