He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
