Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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