I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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