32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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