Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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