More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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