You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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