walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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