Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
