Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
