My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
