When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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