After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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