Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
