I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
