did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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