As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
