Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i drank out of a bidet.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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