you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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