"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
