So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
