I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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