Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
