I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This baby is an asshole
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
