I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
