You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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