Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
