dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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