real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
