so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
