oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
