Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
