I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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