yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
