Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
