apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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