ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
