that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
