Only a mothe r could love this liver
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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