so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
